2013: NRA Proposes Arming All NFL Players

“The only thing that can stop a professional athlete with a gun is another professional athlete with a gun.” With those words, National Rifle Association executive vice president Wayne LaPierre endorsed PLAY-K47, the NFL’s newest program designed to teach responsible assault weapon usage to America’s youth through the supplying of weapons to all current NFL players.

“What kid doesn’t love both pro football players and guns?” commented NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. “These players can be role models for youngsters who might otherwise be watching violent movies, exposed to violent video games, or planning a shooting spree at the local mall.”

Goodell also pointed out that a well-armed NFL militia could potentially shorten game times, improve stadium security, and reduce the risk of helmet-to-helmet contact.