Would-be Jihadist Abandons Nightclub Shooting Plans

Distracted by Music and Alcohol; Leaves with Attractive Blonde Patron

The murderous plans of area resident Abu Hasayn Al Britani were delayed on Saturday night when a ‘Club Hysteria’ regular caught his eye at the popular nightspot.  Al Britani, 27, had hoped to be shooting up the nightclub by 10:00pm as he left the Men’s Room armed with an AK-47 assault rifle and 500 rounds of ammunition before fate stepped in.  “I had a few drinks to calm my nerves and the music was intense,” said Al Britani.  “I was dreaming of the 72 virgins who awaited me in paradise,” he continued,”but that was before I saw Heather!”

With Al Britani’s plans on hold, the couple left the club at 1:00am for the short drive to Heather’s home.  Al Britani’s evening of pleasure ended abruptly, however, when local SWAT teams descended upon Apartment 21-A at Garden Glen Terrace with an HWR Double-Tap Battering Ram and stun grenades.  “It was almost totally worth it,” declared the failed jihadist, “I hope to get back there real soon, Allah willing!”