Obama Commutes Manning Sentence

Former Colts, Broncos QB Unaware of Espionage Charges

In a controversial decision Tuesday, President Obama commuted all but four months of Manning’s 35-year sentence for leaking classified U.S. intelligence information.  “I feel very comfortable that justice has been served,” said Obama.

House Speaker Paul Ryan deemed the action “outrageous” and went on to say that “if Manning’s crimes can so easily be forgiven, will this not embolden others who wish to do harm to the United States of America?  I would remind the President that we are less than two years removed from Deflategate and Tom Brady has still shown no remorse for his grievous actions.”

Reached for comment, former NFL quarterback Peyton Manning claimed to be unaware of any of the espionage charges but was overheard singing “I-did-not-leak-any-thing.”