U.S. Born Terrorists Fear Loss of ObamaCare


Recent actions by the Trump Administration have sent shock-waves through the Al Qaeda and ISIS communities.  U.S. born terrorists fear that the looming repeal of the Affordable Care Act will affect their ability to continue to wage “war and death upon the great Satan.”  A Republican-sponsored replacement plan will close the so-called ‘jihadi loophole’ and require American-born terrorists to buy coverage through a separate exchange.

“I’ve got three wives and twelve children to cover,” complained Abu Hasayn Al Amerik.  “If I lose the ObamaCare income tax credit, I may need to get an extra job to cover expenses.”

“All Americans should have access to quality medical care, it’s a fundamental human right,” railed Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA).  “Citizens hell-bent on the destruction of the Western world are just as entitled to affordable healthcare as those they plan to massacre.”

Al Amerik, who lost his left hand and eye in a 2012 attack on an American outpost in Afghanistan, is hoping to pick up a new policy direct from United Healthcare.  “The Bronze Choice HSA 5500 plan may work for us.  Although the deductibles are large, the monthly cost is reasonable and they offer out-of-network care which is important when you travel for work as I do.”

Other American-born jihadists may not be so lucky.  “My brother, Abdul, has left the battlefield temporarily to get a job at Starbucks,” Al Americk explained.  “He is hoping a promotion to head barista will gain him full benefits and more time to plan for the slaughter of infidels.  Allah willing.”