Providence, RI (TDP) – Fulfilling a keystone campaign promise, President Donald Trump today announced the addition of “thousands” of new coal jobs to the nation’s economy. Speaking at the opening of a Providence Coal-Fired Pizza restaurant in the Rhode Island capital, Trump touted his Administration’s ability to “get things done.”
“I said I’d bring coal jobs back in America. And I’m not talking about those little charcoal briquettes, either. These are the real deal. And it’s not just pizza. They’ve got ribs, wings, crab-stuffed mushrooms. Tremendous. Am I right?”
With thousands of workers streaming from West Virginia to Rhode Island with the promise of good-paying coal jobs, the three job openings were filled quickly. “I ran a $11-million Bucyrus RH400 Hydraulic Shovel at the Hobet Mine in West Virginia for twenty-three years,” commented Earl Finley. “But now, thanks to our President, I’ve been re-trained to run the Jackson AJ-100 116″ High Temp Conveyor Dishwasher with 287 racks per hour capacity. I’m getting almost twenty hours a week at $9.60 per hour and helping Make America Great Again!”
In a related story, the Rhode Island Department of Employment and Training today announced the closing of local restaurants Rhode Island Wind-Fired Pizza and Ocean State Solar-Fired Pizza. Twelve workers applied for unemployment benefits.