West Chester, PA (TDP) – After a long, sad night of drinking and missed hookups, QVC, the world’s leading television network shill, dialed the number listed at the bottom of the screen and purchased the entire Home Shopping Network (HSN) for $2,099,999,999.99. “I was tired of being looked at as just another piece of a huge media conglomerate,” commented the 31-year-old shopping channel. “And between the tequila, flexible payment terms and free shipping, I just knew I had to have it.”
HSN Customer Care operator Delores Delvecchio, 59, of Saint Petersburg, Florida, answered the 2:00 AM call and immediately took QVC’s name, address and credit card information. “I didn’t realize we were for sale until that call came in,” said Delvecchio. “And upon completing the purchase transaction, I was immediately laid off.”
QVC claimed no recollection of the purchase the following day until delivery of a large package by UPS. In the sober light of day, the reality of owning a company with the motto “It’s Fun Here” and its 7,000 employees began to sink in.
“What am I going to do with this thing? I really don’t have any room for it,” remarked QVC. “It looked so much prettier and sparklier on TV.”