Great Britain Grants Independence to Caribbean Islands

Road Town, British Virgin Islands (TDP) – Queen Elizabeth II today granted full independence to the Virgin Island territories, which had been under British control since the outbreak of the Anglo-Dutch War in 1672.  “I think our work here is done,” declared the aging monarch. “The Caribbean natives have shown great initiative in their quest for independence over the past 350 years and should be rewarded.”

Some of the 30,000 surviving residents of the newly independent nation celebrated with a candlelight ceremony on the island of Tortola where they shared food rations and a case of bottled water left behind by the fleeing British troops.  Speaking from the remains of the Scrub Island Resort, Spa & Marina, Premier Orlando Smith, in his first public appearance as leader of the Virgin Islands, thanked his British protectors and outlined the challenges ahead.  “As I look around here today, I know none of this death and destruction would have been possible without the benevolence of our European masters.  Without the support and guidance of countries like Great Britain, France and The Netherlands, we would be nothing more than a chain of beleaguered islands, living in huts with no access to food, fresh water or healthcare.”

“God Save the Queen!”