March 7, 2026

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News Tickler
  • [ April 6, 2025 ] ‘Autism Speaks’ Asks Elon Musk to Please Shut the F*** Up News
  • [ February 26, 2024 ] Jesus Responds to ‘He Gets Us’ Ad Campaign Entertainment
  • [ February 26, 2021 ] Local Man Worried He Left House Without Shutting Off Internet Local News
  • [ December 18, 2020 ] Dr. Seuss to Oversee COVID Vaccine Distribution News
  • [ November 21, 2020 ] Republicans McConnell, Graham, Cruz Frantically Search Senate Utility Closets For Missing Testicles News
  • [ November 19, 2020 ] Dr. Fauci Mistakenly Invites Entire Nation to His Home for Thanksgiving News
  • [ November 12, 2020 ] Trump Attacks TikTok in Attempt to Silence Sarah Cooper News
  • [ November 4, 2020 ] Trump Campaign Files Lawsuits Against 71,947,268 Biden Voters News
  • [ November 3, 2020 ] Dewey Defeats Truman News
  • [ April 10, 2018 ] Massive Data Breach Uncovered as Phone Companies Admit Publishing Names, Addresses and Phone Numbers of 200 Million Americans Money
March 7, 2026

Headlines

News

Suspected Caravan of Asylum Seekers Traveling Through Mexico Turns Out to be Penniless Spring Breakers Returning From Cancun

April 5, 2018 William F Barkley 0

Matias Romero, Mexico (TDP) – A group of 1,000 haggard travelers wandering through Mexico heading north towards the U.S. border has been positively identified.  Originally thought to be Central American […]

Local News

Dozens of Non-Essential Employees Found Frozen in Snow Outside Locked Government Offices

March 22, 2018 William F Barkley 0

Albany, NY (TDP) – The bodies of several dozen non-essential government employees were discovered buried in the snow this morning outside the Department of Motor Vehicle offices on Pearl Street […]

News

NRA Abandons Plan to Arm Teachers; Announces Plan to Train Assault Weapon Owners to Teach

March 6, 2018 William F Barkley 0

Fairfax, VA (TDP) – The National Rifle Association today announced that it would no longer be promoting its school safety plan to arm teachers in the nation’s 100,000 public schools.  […]

Trump Dreamers
News

Trump Offers Citizenship Path to Immigrant Dreamers, Lookers, and Hotties

January 26, 2018 William F Barkley 0

Washington, DC (TDP) – President Trump today announced his support for an immigration plan that would provide a pathway to citizenship for so-called “DREAMERS” – hundreds of thousands of young people […]

Boy Scouts
News

Boy Scouts to Award Merit Badge in Sexual Harassment

October 12, 2017 William F Barkley 0

Irving, TX (TDP) – The Boy Scouts of America, in a follow-up announcement to their plans to broadly accept girls into the century-old organization, will begin to offer a merit […]

News

NRA Proposes Arming of All Casino Patrons, Concert-Goers

October 2, 2017 William F Barkley 0

Las Vegas, NV (TDP) – Vowing to “never stand down” in its defense of the right to bear arms, the National Rifle Association today proposed the arming of all future […]

News

United States Grants Independence to Puerto Rico

September 29, 2017 William F Barkley 0

San Juan, Puerto Rico (TDP) – Praising our neighbors “somewhere out there in the Atlantic Ocean,” President Trump today signed an Executive Order granting full and immediate independence to Puerto […]

News

Great Britain Grants Independence to Caribbean Islands

September 13, 2017 William F Barkley 0

Road Town, British Virgin Islands (TDP) – Queen Elizabeth II today granted full independence to the Virgin Island territories, which had been under British control since the outbreak of the […]

News

Researchers Discover Link Between Alcoholism and Paint-Can-Opening Tool

August 29, 2017 William F Barkley 0

Durham, NC (TDP) – After years of research, Duke University scientists have discovered a link between the high rate of alcoholism found among commercial painting contractors and the use of bottle […]

Lance Armstrong
News

Lance Armstrong Hired as Mailman in Settlement of U.S. Justice Department Fraud Lawsuit

July 21, 2017 William F Barkley 0

Washington, DC (TDP) – Attorneys for the U.S. Justice Department announced that they have reached a settlement with former Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong in their $100 million civil fraud […]

Posts pagination

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Popular

  • ‘Autism Speaks’ Asks Elon Musk to Please Shut the F*** Up

    April 6, 2025 0
    Washington, DC (TDP) – Autism Speaks, the national non-profit organization dedicated to creating an inclusive world for individuals with autism and their families, formally released a statement today asking billionaire businessman Elon Musk to please stop [...]
  • Jesus Responds to ‘He Gets Us’ Ad Campaign

    February 26, 2024 0
    Somewhere in Heaven (TDP) – The star of the recent ‘He Gets Us’ television advertisements, part of a Christian outreach campaign, was reached for comment today on the ubiquitous public service announcements. Jesus Christ, founder of [...]
  • Local Man Worried He Left House Without Shutting Off Internet

    February 26, 2021 0
    Yeehaw Junction, RI (TDP) – Local resident Zeke Hawthorne, 61, became quite concerned recently after realizing he had left his Private Ridges Road home for a short trip with the internet still running. “You can’t be too careful,” the [...]
  • Dr. Seuss to Oversee COVID Vaccine Distribution

    December 18, 2020 0
    The ZEETCHES Now, the Mask-Wearing Zeetches Had masks on their faces. But the Bare-Faced Zeetches Wore none in the places. Those masks weren’t so big. They were really so small. You might think such a [...]
  • Republicans McConnell, Graham, Cruz Frantically Search Senate Utility Closets For Missing Testicles

    November 21, 2020 0
    Washington, DC (TDP) – Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), senior Senator Lindsay Graham (R-SC), and Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) led a delegation of Republican congressman and officials in a frantic search through the Russell [...]
  • Dr. Fauci Mistakenly Invites Entire Nation to His Home for Thanksgiving

    November 19, 2020 0
    Washington, DC (TDP) – In a hastily-called news conference, Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, made a final, desperate plea to the American public regarding the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday.  [...]

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