March 7, 2026

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  • [ April 6, 2025 ] ‘Autism Speaks’ Asks Elon Musk to Please Shut the F*** Up News
  • [ February 26, 2024 ] Jesus Responds to ‘He Gets Us’ Ad Campaign Entertainment
  • [ February 26, 2021 ] Local Man Worried He Left House Without Shutting Off Internet Local News
  • [ December 18, 2020 ] Dr. Seuss to Oversee COVID Vaccine Distribution News
  • [ November 21, 2020 ] Republicans McConnell, Graham, Cruz Frantically Search Senate Utility Closets For Missing Testicles News
  • [ November 19, 2020 ] Dr. Fauci Mistakenly Invites Entire Nation to His Home for Thanksgiving News
  • [ November 12, 2020 ] Trump Attacks TikTok in Attempt to Silence Sarah Cooper News
  • [ November 4, 2020 ] Trump Campaign Files Lawsuits Against 71,947,268 Biden Voters News
  • [ November 3, 2020 ] Dewey Defeats Truman News
  • [ April 10, 2018 ] Massive Data Breach Uncovered as Phone Companies Admit Publishing Names, Addresses and Phone Numbers of 200 Million Americans Money
March 7, 2026
Home2017February

Month: February 2017

Obamacare
News

U.S. Born Terrorists Fear Loss of ObamaCare

February 24, 2017 William F Barkley 0

Recent actions by the Trump Administration have sent shock-waves through the Al Qaeda and ISIS communities.  U.S. born terrorists fear that the looming repeal of the Affordable Care Act will affect […]

News

Trump Offers Immigrants Three-Fifths Compromise

February 22, 2017 William F Barkley 0

President Trump issued a new Executive Order on immigration today, offering a three-fifths compromise to foreign nationals residing in the United States.  Under the order, all foreign nationals and immigrants […]

Local News

Family Dog Refuses to Sign Living Will

February 21, 2017 William F Barkley 0

A rift has developed within a local family as Trevor, a 12-year-old golden retriever, has refused to sign the living will requested by his owners, the Robertson’s.  The will, intended […]

News

President Trump Threatens to “Act Presidential”

February 18, 2017 William F Barkley 0

In a hastily-called news conference, President Donald Trump today threatened to “act Presidential” if the media continued to cover him with such “hatred.” “I don’t want to do it, but I will. […]

Local News

Protesting Grade Schoolers Melt Trump Snowman in Effigy

February 15, 2017 William F Barkley 0

Ms. Clark’s 4th grade class at Cedar Grove Elementary School led their schoolmates in a spirited protest this week, highlighted by the melting of a Donald Trump snowman in effigy. […]

Entertainment

Trump Invites Ex-Wives, Mistresses to White House for Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2017 William F Barkley 0

President Donald Trump has extended an invitation to his ex-wives and mistresses to attend a state dinner at the White House to commemorate Valentine’s Day.  The dinner, to be emceed by former […]

Local News

Widow Keeps Meeting Men Wearing Late Husband’s Clothes

February 13, 2017 William F Barkley 0

Recently-widowed Edna Crouse will no longer donate her late husband’s clothes to the local Goodwill. The 78-year-old Yeehaw Junction resident reports encountering numerous men dressed in the clothing of her deceased husband, […]

Local News

Grown Man Monopolizes Local Sledding Hill

February 9, 2017 William F Barkley 0

The popular sledding hill at Downey Park was unavailable earlier this week after John Walpole, 43, took over the child-friendly recreation area with a 1980’s throwback performance of flying saucer snow sled dominance. […]

News

DeVos Unveils Multi-Level Marketing Vouchers for Schools

February 8, 2017 William F Barkley 0

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos, daughter-in-law of Amway founder Richard DeVos, today unveiled her plan to reform public education in the U.S. with a multi-level marketing voucher system.  The new […]

News

Goodell Suspends Brady for Post-Game Profanity

February 7, 2017 William F Barkley 0

The office of NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has announced that New England Patriots quarterback, and Super Bowl LI MVP, Tom Brady will be suspended for the first six games of the […]

Posts pagination

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Popular

  • ‘Autism Speaks’ Asks Elon Musk to Please Shut the F*** Up

    April 6, 2025 0
    Washington, DC (TDP) – Autism Speaks, the national non-profit organization dedicated to creating an inclusive world for individuals with autism and their families, formally released a statement today asking billionaire businessman Elon Musk to please stop [...]
  • Jesus Responds to ‘He Gets Us’ Ad Campaign

    February 26, 2024 0
    Somewhere in Heaven (TDP) – The star of the recent ‘He Gets Us’ television advertisements, part of a Christian outreach campaign, was reached for comment today on the ubiquitous public service announcements. Jesus Christ, founder of [...]
  • Local Man Worried He Left House Without Shutting Off Internet

    February 26, 2021 0
    Yeehaw Junction, RI (TDP) – Local resident Zeke Hawthorne, 61, became quite concerned recently after realizing he had left his Private Ridges Road home for a short trip with the internet still running. “You can’t be too careful,” the [...]
  • Dr. Seuss to Oversee COVID Vaccine Distribution

    December 18, 2020 0
    The ZEETCHES Now, the Mask-Wearing Zeetches Had masks on their faces. But the Bare-Faced Zeetches Wore none in the places. Those masks weren’t so big. They were really so small. You might think such a [...]
  • Republicans McConnell, Graham, Cruz Frantically Search Senate Utility Closets For Missing Testicles

    November 21, 2020 0
    Washington, DC (TDP) – Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), senior Senator Lindsay Graham (R-SC), and Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) led a delegation of Republican congressman and officials in a frantic search through the Russell [...]
  • Dr. Fauci Mistakenly Invites Entire Nation to His Home for Thanksgiving

    November 19, 2020 0
    Washington, DC (TDP) – In a hastily-called news conference, Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, made a final, desperate plea to the American public regarding the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday.  [...]

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